


Falling from Pedestals

by Ihopeitsbenign



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Kid Fic, Lost Love, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Romance, mentions drug use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2014-01-24
Packaged: 2018-01-09 20:56:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1150713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihopeitsbenign/pseuds/Ihopeitsbenign
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After ten years of longing, Morgan spots a familiar face in the crowd. Spencer Reid was the man he'd planned to spend his life with until he suddenly disappeared. A story about finding the one that got away. Kind of AU but still set in the BAU-verse. Morgan is an FBI agent but Reid is not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I have no affiliation to Criminal Minds or its characters. This is fiction pure and simple.

All it took was one look. A glimpse of curly brown hair, the subtle curve of cheek, the glint of sun on thick-rimmed frames…just one look out of the corner of his eye for his world to start. Breath-quickening, heart-hammering Morgan spun around scanning the busy street. One by one he discarded the idling spectators, too short, too fat, just not right. Compared to him Goldilocks had had it easy. There he was. Even with his back to him, scurrying away, Morgan would know him anywhere.

"Reid" He yelled. The fearful gaze thrown over the slim shoulder startled him. More so when at the sight of him he sped up into a brisk walk. "What the hell?" Morgan muttered to himself watching the tall man disappear down the street. They hadn't ended on the best note but then again he wasn't the one who slunk off in the middle of the night never to be heard from since.

Feeling his rage build Morgan gave chase. He'd been prepared to be civil but not anymore. Dammit he deserved some answers. Seeing him coming, Reid picked up speed, tearing down the sidewalk before cutting right. He was no match for Morgan who caught up with him in the shadowy alley behind a popular Mexican restaurant. At a dead end he could see Reid scrambling for an escape route only turning back round when there was none to be found.

The sudden flinch, arms raised like he expected to be hit stopped Morgan cold. Approaching him slowly like he was wounded animal he tried again. All the words he wanted to say were too bold, too forward, scary or hurtful. Not the kind of thing you say to someone you haven't seen in ten years. Arms across his chest, body language screaming 'back off' Reid examined him. They stood in pressing silence, words thought but unspoken.

Morgan caved first. "Why were you running?"

"You were chasing me."

Hurt, Morgan stepped further back at the belligerent tone. He made to speak but there was nothing to say. Years had gone by, they were different now; the man he'd known and desired was long gone behind this forbidding façade.

"I'm sorry I bothered you." He apologized insincerely before walking back the way he'd come. Hotch leaned on the black hood waiting for him.

"Who was that?" He asked.

"Just an old…" Morgan hesitated. There was no word powerful enough to describe what Spencer Reid had meant to him. Ten years of waiting and wondering, dreaming of their reconciliation and one anticlimactic moment in a filthy alley had blown that all to bits. He looked up to find Hotch focused on him, still waiting on an answer. "Friend" He croaked before nervously clearing his throat and saying it again. "He was just an old friend."

Ducking past his boss he hurried around the parked Suburban getting in the passenger seat. On the ride back to the BAU headquarters he was uncharacteristically quiet. He caught Hotch watching him with a puzzled frown several times, could sense him trying to decipher the odd state of affairs. Using the excuse that he needed to adjust his seatbelt he turned away and leaned his head against the cool window for the remainder of their journey, anything to avoid those knowing eyes.

Late that night Morgan tossed and turned. The bed sheets tangling around his naked body as he once again flipped onto his back. Memories assaulted him from every corner. He remembered the first time they met. He'd dropped by his mama's hoping for a home cooked meal before going back out on patrol. The kitchen was strewn with textbooks, the slender white boy leaning over his sister's head pointing out a passage.

Desiree had barely looked up as she'd introduced them. "Spencer Reid, my idiot brother Derek."

Morgan had heard plenty about him, the nineteen-year-old prodigy that was tutoring his baby sister.

"Hello genius" He couldn't resist messing up the long silky hair.

Cripplingly shy Reid had blushed a violent red and stammered something that Morgan didn't catch.

It was the beginning of them.

Morgan came home every second he could after that. Engaging Reid in conversation, drawing smiles and finally laughs out of him while Desiree rolled her eyes in the background. It was a courtship at its purest form. Eight years older than Reid, Morgan felt like a pervert around him. Every inevitable erection was punished by long brutally cold showers. Much as he burned to, he never touched him inappropriately. He was determined to wait until Reid was twenty-one. In the meantime he stored away every moment they shared pulling it out later to savor it when he was alone.

The night before Reid's birthday, a relieved Morgan waited patiently for the tutoring session to end. Cornering the genius on the front porch he took his hand and asked him out for a birthday dinner slash their first official date. Reid stuttered his consent but his head had nodded so enthusiastically it might have broken off.

Morgan remembered that day like it was yesterday. Remembered waiting in his beat up car the evening sun bouncing through the freshly washed windscreen because despite stalling for as long as he could he'd still gotten there far too early. Remembered straightening and re-straightening his tie with clammy hands as he walked up the walkway to Reid's off campus housing. Not wanting to embarrass him he'd left the flowers in the car. Everything had to be perfect because his pretty boy was perfect and deserved nothing but the very best. Except Reid had not been there, that night or the long lonely nights that followed after that. Interrogating Desiree had proven fruitless, all she knew was he'd been called home too Las Vegas nothing else.

When the sun crept up over the horizon, Morgan was already dressed and on the way to the BAU.

"Baby girl" Morgan grabbed the tech analyst hand practically dragging her into her lair and plopping her into her leather seat.

Garcia stared at his tapping foot. Five cups of coffee had made him jittery. "What are you doing?"

"I need a favor."

"Where's my bribe, handsome?"

"Will you settle for a kiss?"

Morgan couldn't help but laugh when she squealed after he planted one on her cheek. Garcia was incorrigible and at times like now when he needed it, he was beyond grateful for that. He pulled up a chair next to her facing the wall of monitors.

"I need you to find someone for me."

"Name?"

"Spencer Reid" He imparted like one revealing a big secret. A few other pertinent details helped her track down the right one.

"Well…" Garcia started. "Looks like he bounced around a lot. Vegas, Chicago, Atlantic City, New Orleans, Miami, back to Vegas, LA then he fell off the grid for a couple of years." She typed furiously squinting at the large screen. "Nothing at all. No credit card activity. No hits on his social security number. It's like he became a ghost only resurfacing two years ago in Virginia."

"Do you have an address?"

"Hold on." Garcia stood up shielding the screen. "What is this about?"

"I will tell you everything. I promise. But right now I gotta go." Morgan snatched up the piece of pink paper on which she scribbled the address.

"It's 8 o'clock in the morning. You can't just show up without calling first. That's like Unannounced Visitor Etiquette 101. Okay maybe 103 but nothing lower than that." Garcia sprung up when he walked out. She hounded him out of her office down the hall to the elevator. Rationalizations vied with curiosity for first billing. "Wait a minute we have a case. What do I tell Hotch?"

Morgan spun round in the carpeted metallic and faux wood compartment. His mind was made up. He had to see Reid right fucking now. "Cover for me." He pleaded stabbing the Lobby button.

Close to an hour later he checked the slip of paper surprised to find that he was in the bad part of town. The neighborhood got progressively worse the further he got. Spray painted 'art', torched trashcans and daytime hookers populated the area. Hard faced men crouched on their stoops like vultures waiting on fresh carcasses. What was Spencer Reid doing here? This was a long way from home for the upper middle class teenager he'd met in his mother's kitchen.

He pulled to the curb outside a decrepit building. Darkened with age it squatted on a dilapidated lot. Right outside two cantankerous old women fought over the contents of a paper bag barely acknowledging him as he exited his vehicle. He consulted the paper again. He was definitely in the right place. Now to ask the right questions; how had his genius ended up here?

Without a second thought for his car or his safety he entered the dank hall and climbed up the rickety stairs in search of 4C. Four floors up, he finally made it to the right door, as much as he could guess anyway most of the doors had no numbers. Some were faded with age others simply ripped off. It was probably a ploy to slow down the police giving the tenant enough time to escape down the fire escape. The ganja haze on floor two and the sticky substance under his shoe from floor three had severely battered his mood.

Hammering with his fist he waited impatiently outside the doorway. Reid certainly took his time answering. By the time he yanked open the door it was a toss-up as to which one of them was madder.

"How did you find me?" The younger man barked. Okay, Reid was madder but only because Morgan was so distracted by his gaunt frame.

Reid must have been wearing so many layers when they'd last met; the dark shadows had providing more than adequate cover. Now in the morning light, in a worn t-shirt and tattered jeans, pinched features making him look twice his age, everything finally made sense. Almost felled by his disappointment Morgan leaned against the peeling doorjamb. He knew that look; it was spotted by supermodels and criminals alike. Drug thin. Vastly different from anorexic thin and twice as deadly.

Vibrating with rage, Reid glared back at him. "Don't you dare pity me." He snarled.

Tearing away from Reid's incensed brown eyes, Morgan followed a shocking gurgle of laughter to his feet. Duplicate brown eyes stared back at him curiously, as the toddler's pudgy little hands reached for him and missed. She toppled back and landed on her butt, face screwing up as she debated whether or not she felt any pain. Reid scooped her up tucking her against his side with ease. Deciding she was happy after all, she popped a thumb in her mouth and began to suckle content.

"I'm trying to break her of that." Reid mumbled.

The little tyke tucked her curly mop in her father's neck, eyes back on him. Morgan shuffled from foot to foot, a bead of sweat trickling down his back. Identical expressions rooted him to the spot. God, the resemblance between them was uncanny. Of all the scenarios he'd worked through when he met Reid again, the kid having a kid hadn't even made top 100.


	2. Chapter 2

Reid could barely concentrate over the thumping bass in his chest. He blinked rapidly to clear the red spots in his vision only to find that Morgan was still there. His first reaction was instinctual but the self-preserving hostility had failed to do its job. Morgan still stood in his doorway staring at them like an astronomer scrutinizing the farthest corner of the galaxy. It took a lot of effort not to gnaw on his bottom lip. The nervous flutter in his chest replicated in his hands and he held his daughter closer afraid that he'd drop her. Derek's unwavering focus on her was especially troubling and Reid sought to distract him.

"What are you doing here?" He bit out, his strong voice covering up his anxiety. This wasn't supposed to happen. Morgan wasn't supposed to find him. Not now. Not ever.

"She's beautiful." Morgan finally tore his eyes from her refocusing on Reid who instantly dropped his head adjusting her on his hip. "What's her name?"

Reid turned sideways shielding her with his upper body. "Daisy"

At the sound of her name, Daisy started to wiggle trying to get a better look at the stranger. Reid rocked her until she settled. Her weight felt so reassuring in his arms, the smell of baby powder, milk and perfection wafting off her forehead soothed him like nothing else. She was the only good thing in his life that was all his and his protective instincts pinged when Morgan stepped into the room.

Under the guise of putting Daisy down, he retreated placing her in the brightly colored playpen at the corner of the room. As always he checked that all the sides held, he had bought it shockingly cheap and always worried that it was flawed and bound to collapse in on her. Reassured that it was okay he handed her the fluffy pink elephant noting that it once again needed a wash. When she was settled he turned back to Morgan who still looked shell-shocked standing in the middle of his tiny apartment.

Brilliantly lit, the sun's rays danced through the bare windows exposing its pitiful contents to the intruder. Scarlet with shame Reid scanned the place he called home. From the cracks in the ceiling to the bare wobbly table and single mismatched chair, it all caused twitches of embarrassment. He leaned against the shoddily upholstered couch that turned into his bed come nightfall. The rough rasp of his calloused hands on his worn jeans echoed in the emptiness. His gaze followed Morgan's to the stained floor his back throbbing in remembered pain of days spent scrubbing away all signs of the gangbanger that had been gunned down in what was to become his home.

He had been so proud the day he'd haggled the price down with the unscrupulous landlord. Proud to have a roof over his head, four walls, a door that locked and a private bathroom. He'd lived in much worse places that this felt like paradise in comparison.

This was the same place where Morgan now stood eyeing his surroundings with disdain, probably picking out the unwashed dishes in the sink and scratches in the second hand crib.

Reid fought the urge to leap forward and explain that he was doing the best he could. He simply gasped and swallowed his words when their eyes met. Morgan looked amazing; he was a sumptuous meal of caramel skin and chocolate eyes to a starving Reid. He had been incredible ten years ago but now he looked even better with age. He looked like a man should look, strong, powerful, and irresistible.

Pulling away from his gaze, Reid glanced at Daisy. She chattered away in the corner, garbling childish nonsense at her toy without a care in the world. He reminded himself that she was what was important right now, not this resurgence of feelings from a man he had hoped he'd seen the last of yesterday.

"Why are you here?" He queried.

"I had to see you."

"Why? We have nothing to say to each other." Uncomfortable in his skin for the first time in years, Reid fought the welling feelings. He had to get rid of Morgan. Get him out of his apartment and out of his life. "You should go." He made to lead him back out the door.

"NO!"

Reid jumped back at his shout and Morgan raised his hands to placate him. His gorgeous eyes begged for understanding. "I can't leave I have to know… No, I have a right to know where you've been all this time. And why the hell you run from me yesterday and why you keep looking at me like we've never met?" He blew out a breath, cheeks puffing out. "I waited for you for ten years. Ten long years and I didn't even know that I was waiting for you until I saw you again."

Reid had no time to react when Morgan strode forward and took his hand in his, gently stroking his ring finger in dizzying circles. "You're not married."

"A lot of couples don't need a ring to symbolize a union."

"Don't lie to me." Morgan raised his hands cupping his face in his big palms. Reid swayed leaning into his warmth. "Baby, I know you." He rumbled.

Except Morgan didn't know him - not at all. He knew the boy he'd wooed, but that boy was dead and buried under years of emotional trauma. Too much had happened. He didn't know how far Reid had fallen. It was too far for second chances, too far for redemption.

"Oh god!" Morgan exclaimed his forehead resting on Reid's. "I can't believe I found you again. I would be happy to stand here all day and look at you. Come home with me."

Stunned by the sudden offer, Reid tried to twist away from him. "I don't need your charity."

"Are you kidding me?" Morgan shook him. "You can't possibly be happy here. This is no place to raise a child."

"Don't you dare bring her into this!" Reid succeeded in pulling out of his strong grip. "She's fine and she's happy." Emphasizing his point Daisy cooed in the corner pulling herself to her feet by the plastic bars.

"Of course she's fine. She's what? A year old…"

"11 months and four days." Reid snarled like it mattered. "I'm a good dad. She has everything she needs.

"Reid?"

"Do not use that tone on me. I no longer respond to that tone."

"What tone?"

"That 'I'm in charge and you must go along with whatever I say' tone. It might have worked on me ten years ago but it's not going to work now. I'm different." Chest rising and falling in indignation, Reid faced him firm in his decision.

"Reid?"

"No." Yet another person who thought they knew what was best for him or his daughter would not bully Reid. They had been through some tough times but they were getting better. They didn't need to be rescued. "I have been clean for months. It was hard but I did it. "

"I never said you weren't clean."

"I could see the way you looked at me." Reid shook his head before walking over to the playpen. He knelt on the floor stroking Daisy's dark blond hair off her face. The gummy smile she bestowed on him caused a sweet, sweet ache in his chest. "I can also see by your badge and gun that you're still a cop. You are required by law to report it if you think she's in danger and I don't need Social Services banging on my door trying to take her away from me… You can toss the place if you want…"

"FBI" Morgan muttered behind him. "And I'm not going to search the place."

"I don't care." Reid said. "I'm a good dad."

"I can see that."

"She's my whole life."

Morgan stood next to him and then crouched to his level. "I would never do anything to betray your trust. Somewhere deep down you still know that." Reid kept his focus on his girl. "I just want to see you. To talk and…God, I don't even know what else. Anything…absolutely anything you want."

"I can't." Reid interrupted standing up and putting ample length between them. Morgan rose and came after him.

"Why not? You're here and I'm here. For the first time in years we are both here together. What is stopping you from giving us a chance?" Morgan cajoled. "Just one date if that's what you want. The date you owe me and we can talk about…" He gestured at the room. "Everything."

"There's nothing to say. We were there and now we are here. Everything that may or may not have happened is unimportant."

"It is important to me."

"I can't." Reid repeated.

"Why not?" Morgan cornered him.

"You want the truth? Fine." Reid spun out of reach. "It hurts to see you okay. I don't want to remember what could have been. I have worked hard not to wallow in the memories of you and now you're here and I hurt at the sight of you. This is my life now I have to accept it." He shrugged, bony shoulders raising and falling painfully. "Just…just go."

Morgan left destroyed. He pressed a small white card into Reid's hand on his way out. "If you change your mind, just call me okay."

Reid nodded even if he had no intention of ever calling him. On autopilot he closed the door engaging the many locks like they were attached to his heart.

"Don't look back." He whispered, leaning against the door the card falling useless from his hand. "I'm not worth it."

Reid sank to the floor and rested his forehead on his knees. Pummeled by self-pity he wrestled with his overwhelming feelings, tilting his head back so the tears wouldn't fall. He hadn't cried in years, tears were reserved for the innocent and the weak. He was neither and he wouldn't start now.

Eventually getting off the floor he picked up his child but he held her too tight and she squirmed in protest, straining to be put down. Her recent streak of independence left him both proud and afraid. She was so eager to explore everything and lately she'd been straying farther and farther away from him. It made a twisted kind of sense; everyone left him and one day she would too.


	3. Chapter 3

Reid collapsed face first onto the threadbare couch. He was too tired to even pull out the bed. The past ten days had been absolute hell. Opening his eyes, he snaked his hand through the crib to lightly stroke Daisy's damp hair. Her fever had finally broken and she was breathing easy.

The absolute terror he'd felt from the moment she first sniffled started to fade. She hadn't been sick in months and his hope that the cold would just blow over disintegrated when she was cranky the next evening and tugging at her ear. When she started to vomit he flew into action bundling her up in her warmest clothing and gathering up his all his saved up funds and shoving the rumpled bills into his shirt pocket. Reid focused on putting one foot in front of another even as his fear grew into a terrifying beast that stalked him out of his apartment down to the street all the way to the hospital. The groups of louts that harassed him everyday on his way to and from home merely ignored him only throwing one halfhearted slur his way.

Usually a happy easygoing child the ear infection had made Daisy extra fussy and Reid held her tightly on the bus while she whined and cried, looking out the window to avoid the irritated glares of the other passengers. The ER doctors were efficient and acted the moment he brought her in. Reid followed them to the wide cot worried because she looked so small and helpless in a white sea. The prodding made her cry harder and Reid held her hand trying to soothe her wishing he could take her pain on as his own.

The bustling room was filled with other parents the same as him. Scared as he was, trying to be strong like he was even as the enormous strain showed on their faces. The only difference was he was only one in there with a child that was alone. Even in their distress the couples and families were still together in comforting groups. When he caught a sympathetic smile from one of the mothers Reid lowered his gaze to Daisy's hand that was so tiny in his. He couldn't help thinking that there should be more people at her bedside, for her and for him. He needed someone, tonight more than ever. Morgan's name crept up on him like it had since Reid had thrown him out. He couldn't open that door and made the effort to shake him off.

Reid couldn't afford an overnight stay at the hospital and hours later he let himself back into the apartment. Daisy had fallen into an uneasy sleep and he placed her in her crib pulling it next to the couch watching over her until he passed out face pressed against the bars. Now ten days later they'd finally come out on the other side.

Morning came too soon for Reid and as he struggled off the couch checking on his daughter again, worry niggled at the back of his mind. He straightened up, washing up bottles and boiling water for Daisy's bath. Still the nagging thought wouldn't let go of him and he checked his pants and shirts bringing together the last of their cash. No matter how much he counted it the 17 dollars and 12 cents refused to multiply. The late night trip to the ER, antibiotics, drops and decongestants had depleted his savings. At the meager amount Reid broke out into a cold sweat.

Rent and utilities were due in four days. It was a crap apartment but at least it was a roof over their head and it had heating. The skivvy landlord had made it clear what Reid could do for free room and bode if he was short on rent but the thought of lying beneath that fat unwashed pig as he grunted to completion was enough to bring bile to Reid's throat. Sure he had whored himself out for money before but he'd been so high at the time that the shame had barely registered. There was no point in him starting fresh if he just going to slip back to his old ways.

At Daisy's wail he rushed back to her crib picking her up holding her against his chest. Tears still cling to her spiky lashes but she quieted down snuggling her head into his shoulder. Reid swayed from side to side humming tunelessly. Their situation was dire at best but he always put her first. He had enough formula and pureed food to last her a while, more if he chose not to eat and spent the 17 dollars on essentials for her.

A day later Reid plodded out of the house. He pulled the blue hoodie over his still sleeping daughter. Tucking his hands under her freshly diapered butt he adjusted the yellow strap of her baby bag and he crossed the street to make his way to the bus stop. After a long night of debate he'd come up with a plan to get out of financial hole and hopefully keep them out of the shelter for one more month, more if he did it right. Close to an hour later he was on the edge of the suburbs. Neatly trimmed bushes and sidewalks with chalk drawings were a nice change from his ghetto neighborhood. It was still lower middle class housing to the more affluent but to him it was a goal. One day he would afford to rent a house in the corner. Nothing much just a two bedroom, one story house with a white fence and a large enough patch of earth to plant some flowers. Maybe lilies, definitely lilies right under Daisy's window.

Reid paused and looked up at the white house with the blue door. "We are here." He whispered to Daisy but she slept on. Apprehensive he went up the walkway pushing the bell. It echoed through the house disturbing the occupants one of whom stomped to the door.

Lea yanked open the door staring down at him with disdain, a mean feat considering she was almost a foot shorter than him.

"Good morning." He greeted shielding his rage. Beggars couldn't afford to be antagonistic.

She took her time adjusting the massive tacky butterfly pin on her lapel. "What do you want?" She sneered out of a tight mouth. Blond hair pulled into a severe bun.

"Ivy. Can I see Ivy?"

Lea turned and marched off leaving him to let himself in. "The sinner and his bastard child are here." She yelled into the kitchen giving him one last glare before storming off.

Reid took a deep breath trying not to look around. Simply decorated, the interior of this house could only be described as early Inquisition. Crosses of all sizes were mounted on the wall, Mary statues on the tables. Religious judgment pointed and in his 'sinning' face made him uncomfortable. He turned at the delighted 'Spencer'.

"Ivy. Hi." He leaned over letting her kiss his cheek and Daisy's. Ivy was a sharp contrast to her daughter. Warm where the other was cold, plump where the other was painfully thin.

Ivy watched him out of dancing green eyes, the short grey bob hugging her face. "It's so lovely to see you dear. Your company will make such a nice change from that one." She gestured over to where Lea had disappeared.

"I can't stay." As much as Reid hated imposing on her, he had no choice. "Can you watch Daisy for a couple of hours?

"Of course I will. She's such a sweetheart and she never gives me any trouble."

"I love you." Reid kissed Daisy several times it always tore him up to leave her behind. "Be good for Grandma. I love you. I love you."

Having left Daisy in the capable hands of Ivy. Reid used the last of his money to take another bus across town. He had heard of a floating game of Blackjack run by the local gang leader Mr. Wu when he'd first moved to the city. From time to time he'd shown up won a bit and lost a lot just to throw suspicion off. The gangs that run it were known to be ruthless and Reid only showed up when he was desperate like right now. He pulled his black hoodie up over his head and slouched trying to be as inconspicuous as possible as he approached the guarded warehouse. He never spoke more than necessary, never made eye contact with anyone; these were straight up murderers who wouldn't hesitate to kill him if he crossed them.

After the mandatory weapons search Reid joined one of the low stakes tables. He pulled the solid gold locket from his pockets stroking the diamond stone. If he held it up to his nose he imagined that he could still smell his mother's perfume. She had worn it every day of her life. It was the last thing he had left of her and had hoped to pass it on to his daughter. Reluctantly he placed it on the table. He wouldn't choose sentiment over the very real possibility of them starving to death. The dealer gave him a suspicious eye before consulting with the sharply dressed manager in Cantonese. Reid sighed with relief when he got a sharp nod of approval.

He picked up the hand he was dealt going through the motions of a nervous amateur player. Counting cards came so easily to him and he won every other hand. When he hit 500$ he walked away not wanting to draw any unwanted attention. It was enough for tonight but a higher stakes table caught his eye on his way out. It had a 500$ limit and if he won it would be enough for him and Daisy to be set for a while. Knowing better, he found himself drifting over to the high stakes table. Just one hand he promised then he would leave.

Reid zoned out focusing more on the cards and winning than his surroundings. The more he won the more he wanted. A little more and they wouldn't have to struggle so much. He was stunned when a meaty fist landed on his shoulder and yanked him to his feet. The patrons watched with disinterest going back to their games as he was dragged off the floor and thrown into a tiny airless room in the back. Reid slowly got to his feet rubbing at the bruise forming on his forehead from where his skull had slammed into the opposite wall.

All the horrible stories he'd heard about the Chinese drug lord dismembering his victims and scattering their pieces in the city landfill filled his mind. He had to get out before they came back. The door had a flat metallic sheet where the knob should have been. He searched the tiny space panicking to find it empty but for a sagging shelf and a tiny filthy window too small to fit a normal sized man. Luckily after days of near starvation his weight had fallen way below acceptable standards. With some effort he could be able to wiggle through. It was his only hope. Reid dragged the badly hammered planks of wood and climbed carefully on top. The latches were rusted shut and wouldn't give. He shifted to get better leverage the precarious shelf swaying beneath him. Reid held onto the wall praying for the first time in years.

He jiggled the lock the loud voices alerting him to their return. In desperation he slammed the pane with his elbow shattering the glass then pulled up shimmying through the tiny square. His shirt caught and ripped on the broken glass a jagged sliver tearing into his skin but Reid gritted his teeth and persevered. His break for freedom was rewarded as he lost his balance tumbling out and crashing to the car below. His shoulder exploded in protest at the rough treatment.

The alarms yelled above him got him moving. Reid ran forgetting the pain, forgetting the money, his old ratty sneakers pounding the tarmac. Years of running from bullies had taught him well and he outpaced them his pursuers. When he was sure he had lost them he stopped collapsing in a chair of an outdoor café. As the waiter approached him, he got up and left before receiving the 'no order, no seating' line. He was immune to society's rejection he only wanted to get to his daughter. Night had fallen while he'd been in the warehouse. Now he had no money, no way to get back to her. The locket was still safe in his pants but useless to him at this point with the pawnshops too far away. He couldn't walk that far and hitchhiking was out of the question. He hadn't escaped Mr. Wu's goons only to end up as serial killer fodder.

Never far from his thoughts Derek's number came to mind. He could call him. Swallow his pride and ask for help. It was way past Daisy's bedtime. She should be sleeping in her crib at their home warm and safe while he read to her from the entirely memorized 'Goodnight Moon'. It had been his favorite book as a kid, a tradition he tried to carry on. Giving her stability was becoming harder especially since he leaking hope like water out of a sack. Much as he hated it picturing Daisy crying for her daddy outweighed whatever issues he had with Morgan.

As he scurried along the movie theatre up ahead emptied out and sensing an opportunity he studied the crowd. Happy go lucky teens waved around a plethora of smart phones. It was easy to bump into one of the girls, chattering like a magpie she never knew it was gone. Reid hurried round the corner not looking back. A distance away he dialed the numbers that were burned into his brain. Three rings later he almost gave up just when it was picked up.

"Derek Morgan." Reid swallowed at the smooth voice unsure what to say. I'm sorry. Help me. I need you. "Hello?"

"Derek?"

"Spencer?"


	4. Chapter 4

Reid pulled his hoodie closer over his head to hide the throbbing bump on his forehead. Dabbing at the crimson trickle from where his skin had broken open he noticed that the slight swelling had since grown into a respectable egg, its edges stretching at his clammy skin. He tapped his foot impatiently on the damp ground, surprised to find that at some point in his gambling fugue it had rained and he tucked a chilly hand into his jeans using the other to press the wadded up napkins into his side.

The seeping wound above his hipbone from the broken windowpane had reopened when he returned the magpie's cellphone. She was still chattering, still oblivious but he had done enough stealing for one day. He wanted to wipe his slate clean, have his daughter in his arms and just be thankful to have escaped with his life. However, he still kept an eye out, jumping at shadows just incase the goons hadn't given up on finding him.

When Morgan's SUV screeched to a halt in front of him he stumbled to his feet, the bloody wad dropping to his feet. He met him halfway just wanting to get to his daughter.

"What happened?" Morgan growled before dropping his hand from the instinctive gesture when Reid leaned out of reach.

"It's just a scratch." Reid brushed off his concern. "Can we go?"

"Yeah, well that was a hell of a cat." Morgan hovered over him trying to determine the extremities of his injuries without touching him. "We should go to a hospital." He pointed at the wound on his abdomen that was visible through his slashed sweatshirt. "That might need stiches."

Aware that he was standing out in the open, Reid brushed past Morgan. "We need to go." He said brusquely. Glancing over his shoulder he was sure that Mr. Wu's thugs would pop out of the bushes at any second and he scanned the street ready to run at any sign of trouble. Turning he found Morgan staring at him, his brow raised. "Please." Reid begged getting into the passenger seat.

Morgan got in starting up the engine and easing into traffic. Next to him, Reid hunched down and raised the passenger window. Judging by the blood on his hoodie, bump on his head and scratched knuckles, he was definitely running from someone. "Who is after you?" he demanded.

Reid jumped at his hard tone quickly checking out the rear view mirror. His shoulders lowered slightly as he realized no one was behind them. "No one now." He gave Morgan a nervous twitchy smile that did nothing to reassure him.

"If you don't want to go to the hospital, I'm taking you home with me. I can patch you up."

"No, no, no." Reid scrambled upright turning to face him with his eyes wide and pleading. "I need to get to Daisy."

Morgan's fists clenched, digging into the steering wheel at the mention of Reid's daughter. He had deliberately blocked out the memory of the ankle-biter not even mentioning her to Garcia. Somehow he'd gotten it into his head that the reason Reid rejected him had something to do with her. She was after all a symbol of a whole life Reid had led without him. A sure sign that he had moved on while Morgan remained stuck in the past pining for him. He groaned silently, there was no point in bringing up the fact that he resented a one year old, oh no wait. She was now eleven months and nineteen days.

"Lead the way." He grumbled begrudgingly following Reid's directions to a shabby looking house in yet another rundown neighborhood.

Reid reached for the handle wincing at the pained pull at his wounds when he climbed out of the car. The street was dark but for two streetlights buzzing and flickering at the ends of the road. He had never been this late picking Daisy up, had never left her alone in someone else's care for as long as he had today and he couldn't help but panic, berating himself for being a terrible father.

"You don't have to come in." He threw back at Morgan as he hurried up the path. "I'll just get her and we can leave." His palm covered the tear in his sweatshirt; hopefully the dark blue material hid the bloodstains.

Lightheaded from hunger and blood loss, Reid swayed as he pushed the doorbell. Spots dancing in his suddenly blurry vision, his knees buckled and he would have fallen had Morgan not steadied him with a firm hand on the small of his back.

"It's okay." He mumbled leaning on the doorjamb. "I'm okay." He added, more to convince himself than Morgan. "You can wait in the car."

"No"

Reid had no time to argue with him. Lea had yanked open the door and was glowering up at him. "So? You're finally here to pick up your spawn." She sneered.

He felt Morgan bristling at her insulting tone and he grabbed his arm squeezing it for caution. He couldn't afford to antagonize Lea, she was a cold calculating bitch that cloaked her evil in the good Christian woman façade but her and Ivy were the only family Daisy had and he would not take that away from her. Family was family.

"Yes. May I come in?"

She stepped aside eying him and Morgan hypercritically. Reid didn't bother to introduce him; no good could come from that. He stumbled to a stop at the entrance to the living room. It was empty of all but disapproving saints. "Where's Ivy?"

For a moment her features softened and he could see traces of humanity beneath the malevolence before her face twisted back into an unforgiving mask. "Mother had an episode." She barked. "Come get your brat. I am not your babysitter."

Reid followed as she stormed off hoping she had at least remembered to feed Daisy. Changing her was out of the question.

Morgan watched Reid trail after the spiteful little witch spinning around he wondered where exactly she hid her broom. "Whoa!" He exclaimed striding to the center of the living room. He was surrounded by literally hundreds of religious relics. From his vantage point he could see eight of the same leather bound King James Bible. Why would anyone need more than one bible? That was not nearly as disturbing as the giant gold plated cross with the life-size Jesus that dominated the room. This display definitely crossed the line from religion into fanaticism.

He tilted his head, his eye catching on the old photograph in a bare frame peeking out from behind a row of rosary beads. Brushing aside the beads he lifted the frame off the wall. An old lady stood in the middle with two teenage girls hugging her from either side. One was the witch and the other, with her blond hair and sparkling green eyes looked strangely familiar. Tracing over her pretty smile he searched his brain for answers but came up empty. He knew her from somewhere maybe it would come to him later.

At the delicate clearing of a throat behind him he turned facing the five-foot harpy with his brightest smile. "You have a lovely family."

"Get out." She snapped ripping the frame from his hands. "I should have known better than to expect good manners from your kind."

What the hell?

"Derek" Reid called him from the doorway his face strained and pale from sheer exhaustion. He was weighed down under his fussy daughter and a blue shoulder bag covered with SpongeBob. Rushing forward Morgan took the bag from him and guided him out while trying not to touch the baby who started making a fussy high-pitched whine.

On their journey back Reid had taken the backseat with Daisy since he wasn't equipped to drive around a child. Glancing back he notice Reid's tired head droop, he was on his last legs and it showed. In the backseat he rocked Daisy humming softly to her until she quieted down. Then he began to recite a poem or story. Morgan could hear him distinctly as he began to speak to her in a low soothing tone.

_In the great green room,_

_There was a telephone_

_And a red balloon…_

Comforted by his presence Morgan drove on, rolling to a stop at a red light he checked the mirror again his eyes colliding with Reid's that were huge, abnormally white and swimming in his thin face. The purple bruise marred his white skin. Morgan had spent what felt like a lifetime looking over his shoulder praying Reid would be there, now that he was Morgan knew without a doubt he'd never let him go. No matter where he'd been from now on they moved forward together.

"You're coming home with me." Morgan stated.

"No. I… just needed a ride. We can manage."

"I'm not asking you." Morgan was done arguing with him. Reid might not admit it but he needed someone to take care of him. "I don't know what you're involved with kid, but you are in over your head."

"I'm okay."

"You can barely look after yourself." Morgan twisted back and grabbed onto his bony wrist, the desire to shake some sense into Reid's stubborn head riding him. "What if whoever's after you knows where you live? Are you willing to risk your life?" He nodded at the bundle in Reid's arms. "Risk hers?"

Reid opened his mouth to argue and hesitated. That was his weak spot and Morgan was willing to manipulate his love for her if it got him out of his hellish apartment and back home with Morgan where he belonged.

"Maybe for a couple of days." The reluctant agreement tore out of Reid. "We don't have anything." He sighed. "Everything's at the apartment."

Breathing a sigh of relief because that had been easier than he expected, Morgan smiled picking up speed. "You can't go back there right now." They were going home. "I'll get you whatever you need."

xxXxx

Reid stood under the shower, hot water sluiced down over him warming his cold skin. It had taken a lot of fiddling with the nozzles for him to get the temperature exactly right and he barely had time to enjoy it. Washing up thoroughly and fast he scrubbed at his skin, the loofah scraping a combination of blood and dirt off his body. The filth swirled at his feet before going down the drain and he soaped up again and again, shampooing his limp curls. It took five washes for him to feel halfway human and he turned the faucet, heavy with regret. Much as he wanted to stand there all night the sooner he paid the Pied Piper, the sooner he'd get to sleep.

Peeping through the wide-open bathroom door he could see Daisy fast asleep on her back. Her chest rose and fell smoothly. She surrounded by several pillows so she wouldn't roll off the large bed. Having never slept on anything so soft she'd probably sleep through the night. Reid toweled down roughly before standing in front of the full-length mirror. It had been forever since he looked at his body and now he knew why.

Pale skin stretched over jutting bones bringing to mind an animated skeleton. That's what he looked like. Like death had had a baby and left him to wander the seven levels of hell without a meal for eternity.

He took comfort in the fact that he was clean and smelled nice because it was all he had going for him. He wore the t-shirt and shorts Morgan had handed him, they hang off his body and he tugged at the material as he walked out. Daisy slept on and he re-checked the plump pillows smoothing the covers over her. Luckily Morgan's room was right across the hall he could be back in a flash if she cried.

His bare feet scuffed on the dark carpet as he left, keeping the door ajar and the lights on so she wouldn't be scared. They'd been fed, they were warm and safe for now but nothing was free and on this night he would willingly pay the price for those creature comforts.

The handle was terribly loud as he entered Morgan's room. Reid was surprised to find it pitch dark, the only light trailing in from the guest room. Vividly recalling the disgust on his face when Morgan had seen him at his apartment it made sense. He was far from attractive. Rethinking taking off the borrowed clothes Reid lifted the covers and crawled into the bed.

His hand tingled as it brushed hot firm silky skin. Morgan didn't stir. This was not supposed to be romantic it was a transaction. "Get on with it." He mumbled.

Reid sank underneath the covers wriggling as he straddled Morgan's hips careful not to touch him more than necessary. Grazing his flesh with soft touches he shifted lower cupping his balls in his hand and rolling them delicately. Morgan moaned and thrust his hips, the hard pump rubbing his hardening cock on Reid's freshly shaven cheek. Breathing heavily, Reid licked his lips; the heat under the covers was stifling. Deprived of sight, he could only feel with his other senses of touch and smell and taste as Morgan grew long hard and erect. Parting his lips, Reid licked at the big head, tonguing the leaking slit.

Giving it a good hard suck, he adjusted his position swallowing him down with a long deep pull. Reid moaned sucking and licking scratching his nails on the inside of Morgan's thighs. Lost in the act, he welcomed the rough grip at the back of his head, bobbing faster with the encouragement that he was doing something right.

Stunned Reid blinked blinded by the light from the bedside lamp as the covers were ripped off of him. "What are you doing?" Morgan roared at him.

Reid spat him out and stumbled back to his feet as Morgan rearranged the covers over his hips. He struggled to reply, his knees knocking at the rage clouding Morgan's face. "I –I thought that's what you wanted." He stammered.

Morgan climbed off the bed as well towering over him. "Did I ask you for that?"

"I am sorry." Reid couldn't believe how quickly he'd ruined everything. "We'll go. I'm sorry." His mind was already racing ahead to how they were going to get through the night. Morgan lived far from the city.

Just inside the door Reid wanted to scream, it was after midnight he had no money, nowhere to go. If he was all alone suicide would have been an option long before this but he had Daisy. She didn't deserve this.

Distraught, he recoiled in fear when Morgan grabbed his arm dragging him back out in the hallway. "We are going. I swear. I just needed time to think."

"I am not kicking you out." Morgan pinned him against the wall to stop his thrashing. "Talk to me. Reid? Please, what's going on with you?"

Reid bowed his head too ashamed to look him in the eye. He noticed that Morgan had pulled on pajama bottoms but his chest was bare. "You were naked."

"I always sleep that way." Morgan studied his bent head. After the shock of waking up from a wet dream that turned out to be real had passed it was easy to guess what Reid thought of Morgan taking him home. Emotionally, relationship wise, they were not in the same place, not even on the same planet. "I don't want to fuck you so you can have a roof over your head."

"I don't have anything else to give you." Reid whispered sadly.

Morgan tilted his head back until they were face to face and still Reid's eyes dodged his. "I don't want anything from you." He could feel Reid reject his words with his hunched shoulders and the way he cocked his chin. They lived such different lives apparently Reid's was now based on a barter system. He would not accept something like unconditional love. It couldn't be quantified and as such was irrelevant.

Morgan had no idea what to say he just needed to buy himself some time and give Reid a safe place to heal more than just his body. "Okay, I do want something but I'm not sure what." Wary Reid finally met his eyes. "I am new to this. Stay with me while I figure it out."


	5. Chapter 5

Morgan jerked awake at the sound of loud crash followed by muffled cursing. Disoriented he rolled out of bed checking the digital alarm clock on the side table. 8 o'clock. Oh fuck! He had overslept. He'd paced all night keeping an ear out just incase Reid decided to make a run for it. At some point he lay down, his mind flitting from worry to worry until his body had given out and he'd crashed.

Despite the tiredness pulling at his bones making itself known in every step he made, he still woke up better than he had in years because unless Daisy had figured out her ABC's that was Reid cursing in his kitchen.

He groaned getting to his feet. Work was an intrusion he didn't need right now but there was no time to lie there grinning and patting himself on the back. Last night was not a great beginning for them Reid hadn't run away so it was a start. Rushing through his shower Morgan kept his mind decidedly off the feel of Reid's lips sucking him where he washed. Last nights scene had played like a loop keeping him from sleep even as the unfamiliar cotton pajamas – when did he get those – clung to his damp skin. His feelings ricocheted from regret that he hadn't woken up sooner, enjoyed it more to resentment at Reid's obvious experience. It was a stupid childish feeling considering how much time had passed but Morgan had wanted to be first and he felt a little cheated.

"You're an ass." He grumbled. "A selfish ungrateful ass." He should be ecstatic that Reid was here at all. Morgan turned the knob turning the water ice cold drowning out his thoughts.

Reid had been up since dawn. Actually he hadn't really slept not after  _The Incident._  When it all got too much the younger him would have been out there trying to score drugs nut now he cleaned, compulsively. It help to take his mind off the cravings that were always itching just below his skin.

So he cleaned. First he scrubbed the already spotless guest bathroom wishing for the billionth time that he could erase crawling into Morgan's bed and molesting him just as easily. When he was done, he moved on to the rest of the house silently dusting and moping, carefully not thinking. Morgan's condo was a bachelor pad complete with leather furniture and hi-tech gadgets. It was no place for a baby especially one that had just found her legs.

Breakfast was the next logical step to distract himself; at least it had been until he dropped the pan. It crashed to the tiled floor causing a loud enough racket to raise the dead or in this case the asleep. Reid wasn't sure who he was more afraid would rouse first, Morgan or Daisy.

At the muffled whooshing sound from the bathroom he started to panic. Morgan was up. Immediately all the shame from  _The Incident_  flooded back.

"What were you thinking? Of course he doesn't want you."

Reid held up the pan studying his fuzzy reflection. "Stupid, stupid." Unable to look at himself anymore he dropped the pan next to the ingredients he'd pulled out of the fridge. While his inability to forget anything had become a curse in the past few years, at times it yielded happy memories like sitting in Mama Morgan's house while Derek begged her to make him his favorite omelet. Mushroom and cheese, it was totally disgusting by Reid's standards. Reid cracked the eggs and chopped up the button mushrooms lost in the routine comfort of old memories.

"Morning"

"Good morning." Reid glanced up at the rich baritone managing to not stutter at the sight of the ridiculously good-looking man standing across from him.

"You cleaned."

Reid hoped the heat from the stove could explain his flushed skin. "I couldn't sleep." He got out a plate sliding the chopped tomatoes onto it then adding the folded omelet and placing it in front of Morgan gesturing for him to sit.

"I hope you don't mind," Reid took his time placing the used utensils in the sink. "I made myself at home." He said with a sardonic smile.

Morgan yearned to tell him that this was his home too or something to that effect but he was learning slowly to hold his tongue and suppress the instinct to fix him. Picking up a fork he dug in moaning at the first mouthful. "God, this is good! As good as my mum's…" He waved the fork at Reid. "No, no, it's better."

Reid basked in his compliments giving him a small smile. Hopefully Morgan would read this meal and the compulsive Martha Stewart act for the apology it was and never bring last night up again. He brought him a mug of piping hot coffee, taking one for himself and took the stool across from him. The scent of real ground coffee beans teased Reid's senses and he lifted his cup sipping slowly letting the flavor explode on his tongue. Over the broad rim of the ceramic mug he watched Morgan wolf down his breakfast.

A lone horn of a passing car was the only disturbance and Reid closed his eyes enjoying the tranquility. Usually his mornings involved an impromptu Spanish lesson from the telenovela streaking through the thin walls from his next-door neighbor and loud domestic quarrels reenacted on his ceiling from the upstairs neighbors. He was relieved that he hadn't intervened when he passed the couple in the stairwell and the husband was covered in even more bruises than his wife/girlfriend. Though nothing was more troubling than the eerie silence from the burly man on his left, Reid spent countless hours wondering if he was in there, sewing together human skin. His imagination tended to run wild with only Daisy for company; he couldn't wait until she was old enough to hold up her end of the conversation. At some point he would have to go back to that tiny apartment that had never been home but not today.

Reid leaned back checking the clock on the microwave. It was about time Daisy got up otherwise her entire routine would be off for the rest of the day. He turned finding Morgan's probing eyes on him.

"About last night…" Morgan started.

"I – uh" Reid sputtered focusing on an invisible spot on the granite island. He then jumped to his feet grabbing the mug before it tipped over. "I think I hear Daisy. She is um- up." He excused hurrying back to the guest room leaving a confused Morgan in his wake.

Watching him leave, Morgan cursed his impatience. Reid had been relaxed not twitchy and fidgety like he'd been when he first got there. For a highly trained agent in human behavior that was an epically dumb move. If Reid didn't want to talk about it then they wouldn't. Morgan checked his phone he knew he was late for work but he was afraid to leave Reid alone. What if he took off? He might never be lucky enough to find him again.

Following in the latters footsteps, Morgan paused just outside the open guest room door looking in. Reid sat on the bed next to  _her_ , stroking her back. He looked like a dream to the desperate man. Leaning on the headboard with his hair falling in his face and bare feet peeking out from under one of the fluffy pillows. Unsure of his welcome Morgan lingered in the doorway debating whether to barge in on him and demand – no – beg that he stay. Reid spoke before he did.

"I never wanted her."

At the startling confession, Morgan stepped into the room eager to hear more but the sudden revelation was followed by a strained silence. Endless intrusive questions danced on his tongue aching to spill out but he forced himself to wait. Reid would talk when he was ready. Sitting at the foot of the bed, Morgan rested his elbows on his knees prepared to wait forever if need be. He was lost in thought when Reid spoke again.

"When Lily told me she was pregnant, I lost it. I was hangover and jonesing for a fix." The words simply spoken were heavy with emotion. "I wanted her to have an abortion and when she refused, I left. That's the last time we ever spoke."

Morgan waited, heart breaking, breath held through the interminable silence before Reid opened up again.

"I met my daughter for the first time when she was 5 months, 6 days. What kind of father does that? My dad would be so ashamed of the man I've become."

Torn, Morgan struggled. There were no words that could make what Reid had done okay. They both knew that. "At least you went back."

"I only went back to sign over my parental rights so Lea could put her up for adoption… Then I saw her. She was so tiny and so perfect." Reid stopped then resumed the hypnotic stroking. "I will never be able to get back the time I lost."

"I know what that's like." Morgan said.

Reid knew exactly what Morgan referred to but refused to acknowledge it. Too many questions about the past, about them would arise and he wasn't ready.

"Where's her mum? Lily?" Morgan asked instead. He really wanted to know where the hell she was. As crass as it was, he was hoping she had died in an obscure non-life changing event and that Reid wasn't still pining after her because he really didn't need any more competition for Reid's affection or attention.

"She died in a car crash."

"I'm sorry." Morgan mumbled automatically, surprised his relief wasn't evident in his tone.  _You are an asshole._

"Daisy smiles just like her." Reid continued a smile in his voice as well.

The vague feelings of familiarity since Morgan had seen the photograph suddenly crystallized. He sat up turning to face Reid with a mouth that had fallen open in shock. "Her mother was Lila Archer?"

"How did you-" Reid looked at him for the first time since he'd entered the room. "The photograph?"

"Yes" Morgan agreed. "Lila Archer? Are you kidding me?" It's like his brain was stuck on repeat but she was a celebrity. Granted she wasn't the most brilliant of actresses but every guy over the age of 10 had known her name, and her movies. And the way in almost every scene the skimpy clothing she wore somehow ended up soaking wet revealing enhanced cleavage.

"She never took the 'work' she did that seriously. All the Slasher movies were supposed to be a stepping stone to the A List and more Oscar worthy roles." Reid recited it like he'd heard it a million times.

"Well… she was something." Morgan cleared his throat. What she really was, was a tough act to follow. When in the hell had his boy met her? "You called her Lily?"

"Lila Archer was her stage name. She used to say Lily Wittmeyer was too 'small town girl' for her. All the females in her family tree are named after flowers. I thought the tradition was quirky and cute but she hated it."

Morgan frowned. "What about Lea?"

"It's short for Azalea."

"That's such a pretty name for such a uh… how do I put this politely –" Morgan scratched his chin. "Pint sized she-demon." The chuckle he startled out of Reid was gratifying.

When his jangly ringtone exploded, the unwelcome interruption filling the room Morgan dug in his pants pocket for his phone. Daisy began to stir and Reid picked her up, holding her close and murmuring reassuringly to her.

"Fuck!" Morgan stabbed at his cellphone silencing it but it was too late their moment had shattered. "It's work. I have to go." Reid nodded at him rocking his daughter back and forth.

"Ba-" Morgan swallowed the endearment just in time. "Reid?" He waited until the slight man looked up. "Please. Please be here when I get back."


	6. Chapter 6

Reid spluttered, spitting out the soapy water that had entered his mouth as his wet hair flopped into his face to the accompanying shrieks of girlish laughter.

"That's it." He muttered holding on to the slippery bundle. "Bath time's over." He reached for the detachable handheld sprayer Daisy held into her pudgy little hands but she squirmed away almost breaking his grip and dousing him again in the process. Exasperated, Reid leaned back, his knees digging into the hard tile, his shoulders ached from stretching out over the tub to bathe his daughter as she twisted and turned. He was so grateful he'd fed her before this fool's errand.

"Daisy" He called firmly, waiting until she stopped splashing the water and looked at him. "Give it to daddy."

Reid held out his hand for the sprayer attempting to stare her down. At this point in her life discipline and rules were critical. He had no intention of raising a brat. "Give it to me." He repeated holding her gaze. This was a bad idea since the water hit him in the face again and she laughed like they were in the middle of a game. Impatiently Reid flipped the faucet turning the spray into a dribble feeling bad as her face fell. Hardening his heart, Reid checked to make sure the towel was in reach.

Every bath time went like this. It was impossible to get her into the water and once she was in getting her out was nearly impossible. The cut on his side was throbbing dully, too tired to enforce discipline, he fell back on bribery.

Reid picked up the pink stuffed elephant and held it up. Immediately he had Daisy's attention. Waving it in front of her, Reid coaxed. "You want to come out and play with Peanut." When she reached for it without dropping the sprayer, he pulled the squishy toy back still keeping a firm hold of her with his other hand. Daisy's tiny brow furrowed as she focused on her disappearing toy. Reid held his breath hoping that today of all days she wouldn't lose interest in her cuddly companion. He sighed in relief when she dropped the sprayer. It hit the water sinking to the bottom as she reached for Peanut with both hands. Handing her the toy, Reid scooped her out of the tub wrapping them both in a large dark blue towel.

Dabbing gently at her soaked hair, Reid sat her on the marble sink wiping at her face as she licked at the drops on her lips. He dried her quickly kissing the top of her head when he was done. Carrying her again he caught a glimpse of them in the mirror. Adjusting her weight he tucked her against his chest and just held her amazed that for a half hour or so his biggest problem was that his daughter was being a brat. Not that she'd starve or the thousand ways she could get hurt.

The delicate wisps of her hair tickled his chin as she wiggled before tucking her head against his clavicle. Covered by the towel he could see the little bumps of her heels that ended below his belly button. She was still disturbingly light, which he often put down to the fact that he never put on any weight either, a lie he told himself so wouldn't worry that she was underfed but now he could tell that she was taller. Despite the hatchet job he'd made of their lives she was growing.

Reid knew he was lucky Daisy was a happy child; she smiled with ease when she wasn't hungry or sick or tired. She hadn't spoken yet, nothing intelligible anyway but she usually babbled an endless stream of "sentences" to him and Peanut. She had been late to crawl too, a sign, which didn't trouble Reid because above all else he wanted her to be normal. Accepted. He knew first hand the horrors that could befall an exceptional child growing up in a public school system. If he had his way, she would turn out more like Lily than like him.

Placing her carefully in the middle of the large bed Reid approached the bags Morgan had dumped inside their room last night. He panicked as he saw the unusually large pile, bags upon bags with tiny clothing and jars of baby food and mountains of diapers. He tore through the packages dismayed to find only name brand items, after a frantic search he stared with horror at the merchandise that cost several thousand dollars at least. He shouldn't have let Morgan into the mall by himself.

Cursing, he picked up a beautiful white dress covered in large red cherries. It would have been perfect for his daughter if Daisy were five years old. Goggling at the price tag he dropped it just in time to catch sight of his daughter butt naked crawling across the comforter hell bent for leather heading straight for the edge of the bed.

Reid could swear his heart stopped even as he dove across the bed snagging her ankle just when she started to tip over. Rolling onto his back he dragged her onto his chest clutching her tightly waiting for his galloping heart to slow down.

"Are you trying to give daddy a heart attack?" Reid shook her slightly only getting gurgles of laughter as a response, infectious laughter that he couldn't help returning. Bright eyes that were so like his sparkled with delight while damp blond wisps fell on her delicate forehead. Reid couldn't remember just holding her like this and being aware of his love for her. The daily struggle of trying to keep them both alive had taken its toll, under a great deal of stress he never just sat still and played with her.

"Daddy loves you." He choked. "Never forget that." Pondering their circumstance as he pulled the thick towel she'd escaped back over her shoulders, Reid realized he didn't want her thinking of him as a sad disciplinarian with a brow permanently creased by worry and fear. Throwing caution to the wind he decided to just take the day for the two of them to do nothing. No bills, no hassles.

His mood lifted further, "Kiss" he said. As she pursed her lips he kissed her loud mwah when she pursed her lips that restarted her giggling.

With a burst of energy he got her powdered, diapered and dressed in under fifteen minutes. Quickly he stuffed a few necessities into her baby bag and swung her into his arms tucking Peanut under her chin. With the ease of long practice he maneuvered them out the door almost losing his footing when his shin crashed into a bright red stroller.

"When…?" He gawped at it, wondering when Morgan had got it. Instinctively his mind flew straight to the cost before he brushed it aside. Today they were going to take a stroll around the neighborhood like an average family. Strapping her in, he decided to speak to Morgan later about the rampant spending.

xxXxx

Morgan pushed the door shut behind him automatically engaging the alarm. With every step forward he scanned for signs of life but everything was clean, meticulous, not even a cushion out of place. Trying not to panic he raced up the stairs, his footsteps slowed at the muted light in the hall and the slow humming from his guest room.

He paused outside the door. Unlike the rest of his house, this room looked lived in. A pair of tiny booties lay side by side with adult sized sneakers while the sweet smell of baby powder filled the air. With a sigh of relief Morgan sagged against the doorjamb. It smelled like home and the quaint scene of father and daughter only enhanced that. He must have sighed out loud because Reid pivoted and gave him a small smile before holding a finger up to his lips.

"Hi" Morgan whispered, beaming when Reid mouthed the greeting back at him. He waited while Reid placed Daisy on the bed they shared making a mental reminder to buy a crib. Sleeping with a toddler couldn't possibly be comfortable or safe.

Under the circumstances he should just be grateful that they hadn't had a case out of town. The consult he'd had with Rossi had run a little long, the older gentleman giving him strange looks every time he checked the time or stepped out to call home. The sun was setting by the time he fled intent on getting home only screeching to a halt at the sight of a Babies R Us. He'd rushed in and wandered the aisles for several minutes, oblivious to the longing stares of some of the single and not so single mothers who had their offspring in tow. After another run in with the eager sales staff he made the decision to come back with Reid. He knew better what Daisy would want and as flimsy as an excuse it was, it would give them a chance to spend time together. On his way out he passed a tired, fraying mother who was screaming at a child that was rolling on the floor in the middle of an epic tantrum. He skirted them both, hopping over the child's thrashing feet never more thankful than at that moment that he did not have any kids.

He stopped at the checkout counter, his hand hovering over his wallet. Reid had a child. As much as he wished he didn't she wasn't going anywhere. It was Reid's fierce love for his daughter had led him here - to a children's store - with the screaming and the brightly colored toys. If he wanted Reid back and he'd never wanted anything more, he'd have to accept her too. Morgan recoiled from the thought that he would be a dad, no, worse a stepdad, which was a million times worse. Years of fights unfolded before him, them competing for Reid's attention, shameless bribery for her affection, not having any real say in the decisions that mattered. Scenario after scenario streaked through his mind culminating in an imaginary 'you're not my real father' being thrown in his face. In other words, absolute hell.

Morgan started out of his reverie when slim hand gripped his bicep and squeezed. Looking back with a 'huh' he met the kohl lined gazed of a young mother with a cute young boy making vroom sounds at her knee as he played with an elaborate toy police car.

"You are holding up the line."

"I'm sorry." Morgan gave a blanket apology to the people waiting behind her.

In a daze he paid the cashier not entirely sure what he purchased as the uncertainty of his future loomed over him.

xxXxx

"Derek" Morgan blinked finding Reid standing in front of him. "Are you okay?"

"You stayed." He regretted the impulsive words when Reid dropped his gaze. As long as it was out there, "I'm glad you did."

When Reid gestured for them to step out, he followed. A few feet from the door Reid stopped leaning away from him. "I'm not sure, I-I-I…"

"Stop" Morgan stepped forward remembering at the last moment not to touch him. "I want you here. I know that you are broke." The wounded look Reid threw him made him feel like he had kicked a puppy. "Can we just sit down and talk about this? Please?" Morgan was unashamed by the desperate plea on his voice. He could not have another day like today; the constant worry of Reid's whereabouts was a distraction that could get him killed.

"I need to stay within earshot." Reid twisted the empty bottle in his hands. "Incase she needs me."

"I have just the thing." Morgan took off down the stairs returning with two oval shaped baby monitors handing him one with a flourish.

"You can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Buying me these things" Reid thrust the monitor back at him. "I can't afford them."

"I can." Morgan pushed his hand back. " And I don't need you to pay me back."

"Yes I do." Reid whispered desperately. "I need to and I will pay you back for all the things that I – we used - use."

"Does that mean you're staying?" Morgan interrupted Reid's shrug with the loosely outlined plan he had been rattling around his brain all day. "You know with that over educated genius brain of yours you could get a job practically anywhere, there's a daycare close by and you could stay here."

He could still see the doubt and resistance on Reid's face and it took a lot of restraint not to push. Having been in his hovel of a home Morgan couldn't understand what Reid was trying to cling so hard to. It was hard to know what to say when Reid wouldn't let him in. "You could be happy here."

Reid opened his mouth to speak instead giving him a miserable nod.

Morgan finally conceded, giving up the last weapon in his armory. "I won't ask you anymore about the past. Where you've been or what you've done…I am here if you ever want to talk but I won't pry. I promise." He knew he'd said the right thing by the slight loosening in Reid's bony shoulders, the haunted look in his eye fading.

"We could stay for a while." Reid breathed. "Until I figure things out."

Morgan had anxiously waited for this moment for weeks expecting unrestricted happiness; the unease that rolled through him caught him by surprise. Whatever dark secrets Reid was carrying around didn't bode well for either of them.

He looked up in irritation at the pealing of the doorbell. Who could possibly be stopping by at this hour?

"I'll be right back." Impatiently he darted for the front door wrenching it open with an exaggerated huff.

"J?" He exclaimed. "I thought you were still in DC."

The gorgeous brunette played with the straps of the black trench coat. Tightly cinched it only dropped to mid thigh exposing miles of her golden brown skin. Her lips quirked into a naughty grin as she sauntered in on spiky heels running her hands up his chest. Rising up on her toes she sucked on his lobe. "I missed you."

Morgan raised his hands to push here away, his palms lingering on the soft buttery fabric, her slim waist undulating right under it. Reeling as he realized she wasn't wearing any clothes underneath. "Wait, wait, wait…" He gripped her upper arms instead. "I can't."

"Hmmm playing hard to get?" She purred as her lips kissed his neck. "That's new."

"Jordan!" He forced her away. "I have guests."

"You've got to be kidding me." She pouted. "We can go out to my car… be quick…quiet."

"Quiet? U?" Morgan knew that was the wrong thing to say when he eyes darkened with desire. In his defense, her rubbing up on him was messing with both his heads. Floundering he finally struck gold. "What the hell? It's just my family. They'll understand and you could meet them after. " The moment the f word spilled out she froze. Morgan smiled internally nothing could kill her arousal faster. Families or any traditional relationships of any kind were her kryptonite.

"I'm going to go." She muttered tugging on her coat and running her fingers through her mussed hair. "Call me when they leave." Pecking him on the cheek briefly she took off into the night going on about buying some batteries.

Morgan shut the door resting his head against the cool wood until he got back under control. He could go back and deal with Reid, yes Reid. He turned surprised to find the object of his thoughts on the top step looking down at him.

"Why didn't you let her stay?"

"It's not what it looks like." Morgan put up a token protest. It was exactly what it looked like.

"Morgan I'm not a kid. You have a girlfriend she's bound to sleep over."

"She's not my girlfriend." Morgan emphasized peeved that Reid wasn't exhibiting an ounce of jealousy.

"You don't have to change your life because of us. Daisy mostly sleeps through the night so you don't have to worry about her crying ruining your sex life." With the last word Reid turned and headed back up.

"What the hell just happened?" Morgan rubbed his palm on his stubble. Reid's reaction or non-reaction was maddening. He had no right to be so Zen about Morgan being with someone else, in fact he seemed pretty damn happy.

"Morgan?"

"What?" He growled turning around.

"Thank you."

He melted. "Anytime, pretty boy."


	7. Chapter 7

Morgan tilted his chair back balancing onto the two flimsy legs.  _Just a little more. A little – there it was._  Well-worn jeans scrubbed white in some places covered the most perfectly shaped butt, high round cheeks straining against the flimsy fabric as Reid unloaded the dishwasher. This was the favorite part of his day; actually any time Reid bent over was the best part of his day. Morgan tilted further back watching them bob. Since Reid moved in with him, it had become equal part indescribable pleasure and absolute torture and he looked forward to it every single day.

Up and down they bobbed. Morgan could swear he was being hypnotized because the desire to sink his teeth into those meaty cheeks was becoming harder to ignore. He licked the points of his canine, mouth watering. Pushing even further, he hang onto the marble island with the tips of his fingers filthy fantasies growing, other parts of him growing as well.  _More._  A lumpy sticky mess hit him in the face and he wobbled losing his grip and crashing to the floor as the gooey projectile slithered down his neck. With a loud bang the chair splintered his head slamming into a cabinet.

Dazed, it took him a second to clear his head. He could swear he could hear cartoon angels cackling. Quickly identifying it as the high-pitched giggle of his fantasies offspring, Daisy who shrieked with laughter and clapped with delight.

Reid jumped at the crash; heart racing. His first thought that Daisy had fallen off her makeshift high chair only to find Morgan flat on his back, mashed yellow banana coating the side of his face, dripping to his crisp white shirt. Daisy's laughter filled the small space as he rushed to help him up.

"I'm so sorry." Reid mumbled attacking his face with a wet washcloth. "I think her terrible twos maybe approaching faster than I anticipated."

In his haste to fix things he ripped Morgan's jacket off his back and it wasn't until his fingers were tripping down his chest flicking open buttons that he realized that he was stripping him - in his kitchen - in the morning - with his daughter a few feet away.

"Um!" He dropped eyes devouring the exposed brown skin, his fingers lingering on the heat running across his six pack of their own accord.

At Morgan's groan he snapped out of it stepping back. God he couldn't seem to stop assaulting him. "I am uh sorry", he could see the skin ripple Morgan's heart beating through the open shirt. He grabbed the black jacket off the floor shoving it at him. "You could take that off…." He swallowed when it came out breathy and sexual.  _He was losing it._  "I will wash it for you."

The distance between them wasn't enough and Reid slithered round the table trying to alleviate the dangerous sexual tension between them that he was convinced was one sided. In the two weeks since he'd moved in, all he could think about was Morgan. The way his skin had felt under his, the thick ridge of his cock head tonguing the slit as it seeped darkly sweet on his tongue.  _Bad idea!_  He scolded shaking his head.

"I-I-" His speech dissolved into a garbled mess when Morgan took the shirt off. "I – " Damn it! He felt nineteen again. Like the very first day they'd met when he couldn't speak and couldn't think. Morgan shouldn't still have this effect on him. He had lived done things with other guys, when Morgan spun around Reid started drooling. The dark lines of his tattoo begged to be traced with his tongue. Christ! Would he never learn?

Reid turned from the tempting sight focusing on Daisy who'd coated the table, bib, face and hair with banana. She grinned at him, her barely there front teeth gleaming in a sea of yellow. "Come on" He picked her up holding her off his chest, her chubby feet kicking in the air as he walked away. "Put it in the laundry basket. I'll get to it later." He yelled to Morgan.  _Don't look back. Do not look back._  He chanted to himself.  _You are a dad not a teenager. You can control yourself._

Reaching their bedroom he wiped Daisy down redressing her all the while berating himself. His skin felt tight, hot, too small to contain his aching desires. It had not been as bad when he was younger. He knew that he had wanted Derek desired him but it was a virgin's desire for the unknown. Now he knew what it was like to be held down by a man taken by his long thick cock, pummeled, fucked. He wanted him. Craved him. Most nights he woke up in a sweat, half out of bed prepared to go to him, driven mad with the lust for him. Thank God his daughter now slept in her own crib.

"God" His forehead touched Daisy's as she cooed. "Daddy's an imbecile."

Derek had a girlfriend. He'd seen her and those legs were enough to give even a gay man ideas. At the sound of Morgan's boots on the stairs, he bundled Daisy up pulling the bright pink cap over her head. "You are going to be okay. Just act normal."

"Hey, are you ready?" Morgan asked, rubbing the back of his head.

"Yeah"" Reid threw him a nervous smile gathering Daisy's belongings, carrying three of everything even though they had spares at the daycare center.

They fell easily into their now established morning routine, both of them piling into the SUV. Morgan loading up their stuff as Reid strapped Daisy in. Small talk filled most of their journey, trading easy details about their days.

When they parked outside Little Acorns, Reid showered Daisy with kisses before handing her over to Austin. The pretty dark haired woman smiled easily at him. He remembered the first day he'd dropped Daisy off. He'd cried so hard she'd let him stay. His eyes had been swollen, nose red and snotty but he was too miserable to be embarrassed. It happened again the day after that and the day after that until the fourth day when Morgan insisted he remain in the car.

Now he had gotten a job and a life sort of. He couldn't believe how much everything had changed in two weeks. How safe he felt for the first time in a long while and how driven he felt to take care of the household chores like it was their home. Somehow despite how often Morgan told him he didn't need to, he'd turned into the little woman, taking care of his man and child. Knowing he was on thin ice Reid focused on the road and tried not to think.

Morgan gripped the steering wheel lightly, following Reid's instructions to his new job. When Reid had run Daisy into the daycare, he had taken the chance to slam his head into the soft padding and berated himself for his clumsiness.  _So, so smooth. You idiot._ By the time Reid had emerged, no tears this time thank god, he'd regained some semblance of calm, cool, a thin veneer of adulthood that he hoped fooled him. He wasn't sure how he kept up his end of the conversation or even what he'd said in an attempt not to look foolish after his fall.

"Hey" He called when Reid jumped out of his car, picking up his ratty messenger bag. He scanned the area puzzled; they were nowhere near any corporate or educational organizations of any kind. "I'm not late, I can drop you off." He offered.

"You have." Reid said pointing proudly at the large bright 'The Savory Sweet' sign just behind him.

"That's a coffee shop." Morgan said flatly. Reid had numerous degrees and an off the charts IQ. What the hell was he doing?

Reid's face fell immediately. "It's a gourmet coffee shop…" he mumbled. Tossing the 'gourmet' in there like it made a difference. He toed the ground feeling ashamed again. He had been so happy to get hired even as a barista. "…and bakery."

"I'm sorry." Morgan rushed to cover up his blunder remembering too late that he wasn't supposed to control him. "It's an okay job and you love coffee." But the damage was done as Reid gave him a miserable wave and walked off.

"Idiot!" He muttered again hitting his head on the wheel.


	8. Chapter 8

Morgan sharply rapped on Garcia' door before striding into her lair.

"One sec." She yelled holding up a finger still concentrating on her screen.

Exhausted Morgan sank onto the edge of her desk careful not to bump anything. He blew out a breath rubbing the back of his neck. It had been just four hours since he dropped Reid off but he could still remember the look on his face after he dissed his job. It hadn't been on purpose but the feeling that he'd kicked a puppy, a particular cute one, wouldn't pass.

"What's up?"

He found Penelope's eyes on him; they were a gigantic inquisitive blue behind her thick frames. Ordinarily he wouldn't but he needed to talk to someone. "I screwed up."

Garcia swiveled around dragging her chair along. "What happened? Please God let this be a story about the mystery man."

It was stuff like that that made he not want to talk to her. The last thing he needed was her digging into Reid's past without telling him.

"Fine" He faced her. "He got a job."

Garcia tried to concentrate on his words over the resounding 'YES' screaming through her head. "That's a good thing right?"

"You don't understand." Morgan hopped off the table. "He is brilliant, as in, genius – Einstein, Stephen Hawking – brilliant." The room was too small to contain him and one of his hands sent a photo frame flying. "Sorry" He muttered picking it up.

"Never mind that." Garcia grabbed it from him and shoved it into a drawer. "You were saying?"

"Uh –" Wow, her attention held such a burning intensity. "When we first met he was so shy, really, really quiet but after awhile he began to open up. When he was really excited about something, he'd talk at this lightning speed, all these facts just pouring out of him. I never understood half the stuff he said but he'd sit up straighter and his hands moved with such confidence then he'd get flustered when he caught me watching him and stop." He paused smiling at the memory. "In those moments I got a glimpse of the amazing man he was going to be and that guy wasn't a glorified waiter."

"You're disappointed at the way he turned out?"

"I feel like such a dick for admitting that." Morgan collapsed back onto the desk, his face in his palms. "He looks the same but he's not the same guy that I loved - love. Every word that comes out of his mouth is chosen with care. I can't get him to stop cleaning and just look at me and the only time he looks happy is when he's with Daisy."

Oh new development, Garcia leaned forward ears perked. "Who's Daisy?"

"His daughter."

"Daughter? What daughter?" Garcia shrieked.

"I mentioned her." Morgan insisted shamefaced, even though he knew he hadn't. He still didn't like thinking about her.

"No. No you didn't. Getting any information out of you about him is like pulling teeth."

"He has a daughter, okay? Her name is Daisy and she's one." He rapped out the bare details. What more could he really say about a baby? "She's beautiful," He continued helplessly. "She has his eyes. They light up when she laughs the way his used to." Except Reid didn't laugh anymore.

"Awww! I think my uterus just burst into song."

"That's disgusting."

Garcia reached out and slapped his knee. "It's better than bringing up that you hate a baby."

"I do not..." Morgan protested except maybe he did hate her. A little. He hated himself more for it. "I hadn't planned for her."

"Sweetness, I have known you a  _very_  long time. I have had to learn how to read between the lines." Knowing he was uncomfortable Garcia changed the subject back. "If his job bothers you that much why don't you just get him another job?"

"Because I don't want him to think that he isn't good enough for me exactly how he is." Morgan shrugged. "He is. You know. I don't care about what he does. I just – love him."

He looked away from Garcia's big smile. "Don't make this weird."

"You should tell him that," Morgan was in love. It was such an awwww! moment. "Tell him  _exactly_  that."

"Okay"

"Garcia went to pick up her purse when she turned back he was gone. "We had plans." Garcia spoke to the empty room and open doorway. "Great."

xxXxx

Twenty minutes later, Morgan stood in line at The Savory Sweet. Taller than most, he could see Reid over their heads. He was fumbling and dropping cups and apologizing profusely. When he finally made it to the front he hoped he could make his apology convincing because Reid was not making it easy.

"Here, you go sir." Reid took mincing steps from the cappuccino maker, the overfilled plastic cup in his hand.

"I didn't order yet."

"Oh" He flushed when he saw Morgan, the dark liquid spilling over the rim. "Hi"

"Hi" Reid was a vision in the apron and silly hat. "Do you have a minute to talk?"

Reid wanted to say no but he could use a break from serving. He was pretty sure he was going to get fired anyway. A regular barista did not burn a customer with scalding coffee let alone three. Checking to make sure his boss was out of sight he ducked under the counter and followed Morgan outside dodging the accusing glares of the people still waiting in line.

Morgan stopped under the green and brown awning and waited until Reid caught up. "I'm sorry." He spilled. "It's great that you have a job. I should be happy for you and I am." He tried to reassure Reid hoping his sincerity was coming across. 'Tell him you still love him.' A singsong voice that sounded like Garcia run through his mind. "You should know that I…"

"Your phone's ringing." Reid interrupted.

Mid speech, Morgan stopped and said somewhat stupidly "What?"

"Your phone." Reid clarified pointing at his pocket that was vibrating pretty energetically. Yanking it out of his pocket Morgan winced at the caller ID. Hotch.

"'Lo." He answered mouthing a 'sorry' at Reid. "Yes. I'm close to the precinct." He shrugged at Reid stepping away as if subconsciously shielding him from the evils of his job.

Absurdly happy, Reid headed back inside. It was big of Morgan to show up just to apologize and his gesture made Reid feel warm and fuzzy like a cartoon character with an enormous heart pounding in his chest at the thought of his love. He rushed behind the counter to prepare him a to-go bag; every time Morgan got a call he had to rush somewhere at least this way he would have his lunch with him.

Morgan watched Reid rush inside automatically following Hotch's line of thought thankful that he just had a consult and not an actual case out of town. "Yeah. I'll be there."

He cut off the call and was heading back inside when he bumped into a well-dressed gentleman right outside the door. "Excuse me." He said as he went around him stopping in his tracks when the man spoke.

"Where did you meet the little slut?"

Hackles rising, Morgan turned round. "What did you say?"

"Spencer Reid." He guffawed pointing inside where Reid was fussing behind the counter. "He's expensive but worth it. He has the sweetest tightest ass on the East coast. Just when you think he can't take anymore he swallows you whole…"

"Walk away." Morgan could barely speak over the grinding of his teeth. The middle aged man stared at him in alarm before his fake affable exterior dissolved into a hard mask.

Morgan took a step back resisting the urge to smash in his florid face in until it was a scarlet smear on the sidewalk.

"You think he's a keeper?" The man sneered at him walking away before leaving a parting gift. "Nothing special about a twink that can pull a train."

When Morgan took a step towards him he raced off into the distance. His heart beat too fast, jealousy and rage tripping through his blood. He didn't want to believe that Reid had sold himself to that…God, he rubbed at his face trying to think, explain the vicious words away. But that man knew Reid by name and there was no explaining that. Morgan needed to hit something, someone. He spun abruptly his gaze colliding with Reid's through the thick glass.

Reid didn't feel the paper bag slip from his numb hand. All he knew was that he was falling and he couldn't stop it. Except he wasn't, the ground was not rushing up to meet him, he was still standing. Then Morgan was there, picking up the bag and when his hand brushed Reid's leg all he thought was 'no." and he stumbled back. All the foolish thoughts he'd been having about them rose up to mock him. What was he thinking? He wasn't good enough, clean enough. Oh God! 0h God! Oh God! He knows!

"Reid?"

"I'm okay" He replied Morgan's urgent queries. "I got a little…lightheaded."

He let Morgan lead him to an empty table in the corner. Even dreading the answer, he asked anyway. "What did he say?"

"That guy? He was asking for directions." Morgan lied easily. "Do you know him?"

"No. No." Reid wasn't as good at the lie, his eyes darted all over the place his long fingers trembling as he pulled a thread loose from the brown apron. "I just felt faint. I haven't eaten in awhile." Even the parody of a smile he gave Morgan was shaky. "You should go back to work. I'm sorry I spilled your lunch."

"That's okay." Morgan backed away giving him some room. "You eat something okay?"

Reid nodded waving as Morgan left. He didn't remember walking out or running or falling after that, escaping the café like the hounds of hell were at his heels.

The snarl of Greg's mouth filled his head. His cruel mouth spewing abuse and praise as he used Reid until he was wrung out, mindless from the pain. Reid had never been allowed to disappear into his head to hide from the pain because his master liked his screaming in 'surround sound'. Hours later Reid would leave his mansion bloody, clutching the dollar bills in his hands, heading straight to his dealer for another fix. On the days that Greg wasn't around there was always someone else to take his place. They didn't hit him as hard but then they didn't pay as well either. He hated more than anything that he hadn't been forced, Greg would have respected his 'no' but Reid had never said it. The monkey on his back had never let him.


	9. Chapter 9

Morgan banged the sleek wheel impatiently before leaning on the horn for the third time for the grandpa going under 20mph in the Saturn ahead of him. Glancing at the dash he checked his phone again, the lack of a follow-up phone call leaving him even more agitated. He barely gave any thought to Rossi who he'd ditched at the precinct in the middle of a pertinent profile on a possible serial killer.

"Come on already." He yelled out the open window as the indecisive driver's left then right lights blinked. Nosing out of the tight spot behind him he lightly grazed the grey exterior, speeding off. The wrinkled middle finger tossed at him was expected.

Screeching to a stop outside the bright yellow sign he raced up the stairs as a frazzled Austin yanked open the door. "Where is he?" He demanded only realizing how abrupt he'd been when her jaw dropped open,

He murmured an apology still severely peeved by the delay.

"It's ok. Follow me." She gave him a wan smile addressing him with a half chewed yellow crayon in one hand and huge panicked green eyes. ""I'm sorry I called you from work. I didn't know what else to do."

"Austin, it's okay you did the right thing." He said ushering her back inside. "How long has he been here?"

"About two hours. I didn't want the other parents to see him. A lot of them are such judgmental bitches." She spelled the last word probably cautious of the houseful of mini recorders who had a knack of picking up the exact words they shouldn't.

They wound through rows of slumbering children heading for the kitchen in the back. Morgan focused on the long dark hair twisted into an untidy bun, the exposed nape of her neck, and the pink smudge on her curved cheek. Speculating on what it could be.

It beat thinking about Reid and what he had done – a smarmy asshole - that prompted the frantic phone call. It was the middle of the afternoon and Morgan hated that he was blowing off work, conscious of the fact that he didn't want to be here. Seeing Reid. Especially since he didn't have a handle on any of his emotions, the sorrow or the disappointment. Definitely not with how fucking pissed off at him he was even though it did not make sense. Nothing made sense anymore. He'd promised Reid he couldn't ask him about his past and now he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

The first thing he saw were the patchy soles of his worn shoes, uneven circles of dusty grey creeping into the dark. The battered shoes disappeared under brand new chinos, the tan pressed fabric spoke of hope of a great first day of a brand new life. He could make out the apron under the tiny Daisy bundle that was curled up fast asleep in his lap. Morgan edged past Austin coming to stop where Reid sprawled on the kitchen floor. He looked like he tried to escape through the back door and just gave up halfway through crashing to the linoleum, back held up by wooden cabinets.

"Reid?" Morgan crouched close taking in his pale face and unseeing eyes. "Reid?"

Startled, Reid jerked out of his musings, smiling faintly before he remembered where he was, why he got there and why Morgan wasn't smiling back. Tossing his head back, he groaned at the crick in his neck. Austin stood just off to the side studying him with ill concealed worry before she disappeared back out. It was too warm in the cluttered kitchen; Reid flexed, his right side numb, feet hurting from the long walk from the coffee shop.

"Careful!" Morgan said reaching for him. Reid hissed as the bundle on his lap shifted sending pins and needles up his arm. Belatedly he glanced down worried but Daisy merely stretched settling back down unconcerned by the emotional upheaval between the two adults above her.

"Give her to me." Morgan implored.

"No." Reid tried but after hours on the cold floor he found he could barely move. Nodding, he let Morgan pick her up his eyes following so she wouldn't go far. When Morgan settled beside him, he relaxed.

Reid glanced out the open window at the blue sky. The positioning of the sun was wrong. "You're early."

"Austin called me."

"I didn't mean to scare her."

"Where were you going?" Morgan demanded.

"I wasn't–"

"What? Running away? Again?" Morgan ground his teeth reining in the stormy emotions. "You promised to try, Spencer. Two weeks is not trying."

Reid didn't acknowledge his words, eyes on the floor, so still he wasn't sure he was breathing. Morgan wanted to shake him until some kind of truth fell out of him or a manual 'The New Spencer Reid for Dummies'. For the first time since they met he had no idea what to do.

When Austin returned, signaling him, Morgan got to his feet, carefully adjusting the baby on his shoulder surprised by how light she was. It was the first time he'd ever held her. Reid never allowed it, which was a relief for him because it made it less obvious that he was avoiding her like the plague.

Like she could sense his panic, Daisy squirmed opening one big brown eye. Morgan moved doing that jig that people have been doing since the dawn of time until she gave him a faint toothy smile and went back to sleep. This wasn't so bad. Letting out a deep breath he glanced down at Reid who was eyeing him like he was about to chuck her like a grenade.

"She's fine." He reassured.

"Are you?"

"Come on." Morgan held out his hand. "Let's go home."

Minutes later, Reid fidgeted miserable in his seat. Morgan hadn't said anything else since they got into the car. Occasionally he glanced at the rearview mirror adjusting for better visibility with an odd look on his face. It took awhile for Reid to realize he was checking on Daisy. Every time she made a sound, he reacted. Reid wasn't nearly as concerned. He had all her sounds down pat, which gave him too much time to dwell on Morgan and what he was thinking about when he wasn't staring at his daughter.

With passing miles, he realized the subject of his past wasn't going to come up and Reid couldn't decide if it was better for it to be ignored. Morgan's silence was more telling than any words he could have said.  _What was he expecting? There was no absolution for whores._  Sinking lower into his seat, he stared out the window resolving not to make even more of a spectacle of himself.

The absolute galling part was that he had been trying. Trying to open up, trying to smile more, trying – hoping – to worm his way back into Morgan's affections.  _God, he was a fucking idiot, a flightless bird chasing after eagles._  He swallowed hard, the harsh sound attracting Morgan's attention.

"You okay?"

It was now or never. "I'm sorry. I – I -" Reid's breath hitched painfully and he stared out, hot breath fogging up the window, focusing on the passing landscape. "I'm not what you expected."

"I never said that."

Reid wanted to say it was ok but the words logged in his throat waging war with tears. He struggled to focus on the passing cars, the occupants getting fuzzier around the edges. He studied his hand pressed against the warm glass, watched the brilliance of the late evening sun render it translucent in parts. That's how he felt, invisible. What was the point of trying if the one person he was trying for couldn't see him? Bitter disappointment racked through him and he looked around in wonder that the whole world hadn't exploded from the sheer force of his heart breaking.

He held every third breath and counted until the air burned his lungs and pushed the feelings down into the dark places of his heart that he never goes.

"Do you hate me now?"

Morgan pulled to a stop outside their home, his hands still gripping the wheel. Anger sat heavy on his chest, a slow twisting burn that burned brighter, higher fighting to claw its way out. Reid could have come back to Chicago but he hadn't. What did that say about whatever he thought they'd had? Could have now?

With a few words from a stranger, this ugly thing had crawled between them, tainting everything and he was angry. The angrier he got, the more shame he felt because he'd always prided himself on being a good man. A good man would know the right thing to say. Apparently he wasn't one because it took a better man than him to say it was okay and they could overcome anything as long as they had each other. He turned and one look at his – friend? He knew he couldn't say that. Not when Reid sat there, all tense rigid lines, looking like one unkind word could make him break "I don't hate you."

"But…" Reid prodded.

"It's a lot of non information to process when you won't talk to me."

Reid picked at his nails, shoving any desire to confess deep down. Morgan might not hate him now but he would. If a solid friendship was the best he ever got out of him, it would have to be enough.

Morgan's gaze caught on Reid's averted profile then drifted to his hands that were tightly fisted in his lap. The ends of his fingers were jagged the nails ripped like he'd clawed at something. The realization that he was in over his head arrived slowly but it was no less terrifying. He could never un-know the things that he had done. What if it was too much to overlook? Loving Reid had colored every corner of his life, influenced every decision. The thought that someday they would be together again had gotten him through a lot of tough times. As hard as it was to accept, they hadn't just spent time apart they had actually grown apart. If they met today for the very first time, he doubted that he could love Reid the same because he wasn't the same.

"We have both changed."

Reid's tiny humph said it all.

Clothes rustled and Morgan checked the rearview mirror, Daisy twisted in the car seat blowing bubbles in her sleep as her tiny fist gripped a stubby ear of her pink elephant. He smiled.


	10. Chapter 10

Reid paced, a caged animal in a prison of his own making. Granted the carpeted floor and luxurious decor was nothing close to the border town jail cell he had once spent several hours. There was no piss bucket in the corner for one, no psychotic cellmate threatening to rip him apart in various, inventive and horrifying ways. It was nothing remotely similar to the six hours he'd spent in a state of suspended terror, sweaty, rank, coming down off an epic drug binge. It was an experience, which should have been enough to drive a regular man straight. Instead, the first thing Reid had done after he got out was raid his hotel room for his stash and get the hell out of the small town that hugged the Rio Grande.

Thinking of dilaudid again made his gums itch and his hands shake, cravings crawling up and down his spine. Little clear vials danced before his vision, absolution in glass. Just one hit and he could be someone else for a couple of hours. Not a lot. Just enough to walk down the stairs, enough to get through the long weekend. Enough for him to be able to look Derek in the eye and pretend that he didn't know about Greg; didn't know about Reid selling his body to the highest bidder.

He swallowed, a rough strangled sound. The past few days had been pretty easy on him. A lifetime of burying his head in the sand was practically second nature at this point and Derek being called out on a case almost as soon as they got back to his home gave his delusion form. Form that shattered the moment Morgan returned about 4am the previous night.

It had been the squeak of his bedroom door that yanked Reid out of deep restful sleep; his limbs seizing up in fear until the subtle whiff of Morgan's cologne reached him. Keeping his eyes closed and his breathing even, he'd tracked his ex's progress around the room. Followed the rustle of bedclothes as the older man adjusted Daisy's comforter and stood motionless by Reid's bedside for what felt like hours. If he'd been braver, he would have flipped the covers open, taken his hand and dragged him down to the sheets. He would have wrapped himself around him; kissed the deep furrows in his brow that he had after every case and told him he wasn't alone. Everything he did mattered; to the victims he saved, to Reid. He made a difference every single day.

Instead he cowered beneath the comforter like the sniveling little coward that he was until Morgan left, slipping silently out the door just as his stupid tears began to fall. God, since he'd run into Derek again he felt exposed, heart and soul scraped raw, he cried at the drop of a freaking hat. Reid thought he'd mourned Derek's loss ten years ago but his body still wrung itself inside out, at his presence and his absence. Derek should have been his. Should have. He wasn't. That nagging thought hammered at his heart, regret soaking his pillow keeping the Sandman at bay. One thing was for sure; he had to get out of Morgan's house before he started thinking of it as home.

He couldn't hide out forever.

Scooping Daisy out of her crib, Reid made his way down the stairs. His feet dragged encased in lead, every forward step taking momentous effort. An extra squirmy Daisy, wriggled on his shoulder straining to get to the floor. Adjusting her easily every couple of feet in anticipation of her lunges, he half listened to her childish babble. Usually he'd be talking back pretending they were in the middle of a scintillating conversation but he was too aware of how much closer he was getting to the kitchen and the rattle of utensils. Taking a deep breath he edged sideways, his head dipped, shoulders hunched, muffling the good morning he uttered.

"Morning" Morgan replied.

Reid's eyes shot up meeting his briefly. The slight hesitance that he hoped they'd overcome over the past month was back. Placing Daisy in the high chair, he fussed with her bib focusing on her so completely that he could almost believe he'd forced Morgan out of his head. Except his body knew exactly where he was and he gave a deceptive start as Morgan appeared beside him, a bright green plastic bowl filled with scrambled eggs in one hand.

"Don't worry. It's just the yolks." He said. "I'm not sure if she's old enough for whites so I just went with the safe choice."

"Um…thank you." Reid automatically took it from him as Daisy's chubby fists stretched towards her breakfast. "How did you know about the eggs?"

"I read up on it online." Morgan explained then gave him a sheepish shrug. "It was a long flight."

Derek's about face regarding his daughter was a little unsettling - in a good way - but mostly it was really amusing. Even now when he looked at her stab herself in the cheek with the plastic spoon he seemed kind of shell-shocked like he couldn't quite believe she was real. Reid's chuckle didn't sound forced at all. "You decided to read up on how to feed a baby? Was all the porn down? Did the internet crash while I was recycling diapers?"

"Hey, look who found his funny bone." Morgan teased, his soft gaze falling on Reid.

Shying away Reid wrestled the spoon from the determined toddler. He could almost imagine that that look was for him. It wasn't. Daisy inevitably had that effect on everyone, she had an uncanny ability to worm her way below the skin and cleave to your heart. It was pure Lily incarnate. Nothing at all like him. He took awhile to get to know, a while to like, a long while to love.

He gave up trying to feed Daisy since she was digging in the bowl by herself getting more egg on the table than in her mouth. Forcing nonchalance, he snickered. "Bone."

"Ten years ago you couldn't have said the word porn or bone without stammering and flaming red." Morgan tossed back.

"You were looking at enough porn for both for us." He quipped. Taking the chair across from Morgan, he laughed enjoying his discomfort. While he'd been expecting doom and gloom, finding himself in a non-stress, low expectation situation was nice. Under the laughter it was obvious that they were both trying too hard to be okay but at least they were trying.

"How the hell would you know that?"

"Well, you left your laptop unattended on several occasions."

"You didn't."

"I did." Reid confessed. "I couldn't resist. Your password was password. You were just begging to get hacked."

Morgan tsked. "You little liar! All this time and the sweet innocent thing was just an act. If I could figure out how to feed you too, I'd shove this –" He pushed the small bowl of pureed peaches in front of Reid. "- Down your throat."

Reid flushed trying not to think of all the things he'd rather Morgan shoved down his throat. There was a flicker of something between them…probably wishful thinking on his part. He'd already proven that he had quite the imagination when it came to Morgan. Changing the subject before he offered himself to Morgan and got rejected again he said as he replaced the decimated eggs with peaches. "The thought of begging for my job back has robbed me of my appetite."

"You're going back to the coffee shop?" Morgan's eyes penetrated his. Reid could almost feel his will reach across the table and demand he apply for a white-collar job. Surprisingly he held his tongue. That was only one of many things about him that had changed over time. Ten years ago he would have expected unquestioning obedience, not in a way that was forceful or threatening. It was just the way he was, strong-willed, assertive, stubbornly protective of those he loved.

"If they'll have me." Chances are Reid would not get that job back. After a day as the worst employee ever, he had disappeared in the middle of the day and was returning almost a week later. There's no way he was getting rehired but maybe he was owed some compensation for the hours he had worked. He waited for Morgan's inevitable protest and was a little disappointed when he merely nodded. It wouldn't have changed his decision but he would have felt like he still mattered to him.

Getting up he cleared the table, taking Daisy upstairs for a quick wipe down. He ignored the malicious voice that insisted that if Morgan still cared anything about him he would still be fighting for him to change. Seems the revelation of his whoring ways had snuffed out the last little part of Derek that clung to the life they used to have. He was maneuvering the stroller out the door when Morgan once again popped up besides him, this time startling him for real. Maybe…Idiot! He smothered the tiny flicker of hope before it could fully form. "Do you need something from the store or whatever? I could swing by on the way back."

"I could…uh" Morgan floundered a bit then gestured at the stroller. "I could watch her."

"What?" Reid asked, more to buy time than anything else. He never left Daisy with anyone lightly. Ivy was her family and even then he only left her behind because he was desperate. Leaving her at daycare had been hard on him but he had checked Austin's credentials, she was certified to handle children. Morgan was…Morgan.

"It's cool." The other man backed off, shuttering. "I just thought I could help you out. There's no need for you to tote her around all day when I'm right here."

"It's not that I don't want to leave her with you…but taking care of kids isn't really your thing." Reid rushed to explain. "I mean y-you used to hunt your sister with a BB gun."

"God, Desiree loves to tell that story." Morgan protested. "I was eight and it wasn't a BB gun. It shot soft yellow balls. Yes, she may have been my first unsub but I was eight and she was sneaky."

"You really want to do this?" Reid asked incredulous. Daisy was at a super fun stage; she had a five-minute attention span, threw everything and she was going through diapers like a herd of Rhinos. These were game changing bits of information that he kept to himself because if Morgan wanted to do this, it meant something. Right?

"Yes. I mean we all live here together like a…fucked up family." He shrugged. "Just because we are having some growing pains, doesn't mean I don't still care what happens to you or her."

With single-minded intensity, Reid zeroed in on the 'family' willfully ignoring the 'fucked up'. Past resolve flying out the window, he yo-yoed between elation and worry as he laid out Daisy's schedule for Morgan and made him repeat it back to him as well as all the pediatrician's home phone numbers that lived in a twenty mile radius.

"Spencer, I know 911. It is all I need." Morgan shoved him out the door ripping the binky out of his left hand and replacing it with his car keys. Reid dithered on the stoop for a further ten minutes, flip-flopping on his decision before taking a leap of faith and heading for the parked SUV.

**Author's Note:**

> I have made some changes in the backgrounds and ages of both Morgan and Reid. Please roll with it. And in this fic, Morgan never met Carl Buford.


End file.
